I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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