Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
She bit a glass in half.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
