He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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