i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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