I like to think it a success when the cops are called
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
