i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize