So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
