that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
