the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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