I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
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