Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
