I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
