So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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