foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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