If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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