If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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