Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
