So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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