She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
