i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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