I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
