Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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