Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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