Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
