I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize