he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
