my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
