ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
