Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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