Don't EVER smell your tampon
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
