If i come over, it means nothing
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
