I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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