So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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