is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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