He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I am one with the molecules
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
