well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize