i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
