i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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