My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
