How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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