I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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