I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize