He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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