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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
