Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Too much gin, very little bucket
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
