They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
