just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
My penis needs a shock collar
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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