My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
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stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
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I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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