he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
