For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
