So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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