Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
