Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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