He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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