Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
