just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
