just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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