Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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