i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
