well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
