remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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